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Mar. 13th, 2010 | 08:37 am

There is so much still to process! I was thinking about this past week at jesamin's house tonight as I was laying in my own bed after fourteen hours on the road, trying to feel through it, to judge my reaction to things, my experience with so many new people I've never met in person before, and I think I've come to the conclusion that it's like looking through a prism. I remember bits and pieces and expressions, coupled with the online personas and seeing children in real life that previously only existed in photographs, real children that whined and fought and parents that were frustrated and loving and exasperated and positively bursting with pride. I love my kids deeply but I feel across the spectrum it seems like all of the time and as much as I try to remain calm and collected as a parent, it's next to impossible when faced with so much emotion swarming around you--it was refreshing to see other parents experiencing the same things. It was refreshing to find so much in common with so many new people. And it was so wonderful to find that people that I've known for years online are just as amazing in person, if not more so. Before this, I could have been happy with online friendships but now I think I want to meet up at least once or twice a year with these friends whose lives I feel I have lived right along with them.

Coming into Jefferson on Monday night was harrowing for me. It was much later than we had intended since we had taken one last trip to the Falls so the roads were windy and the towns were deserted (zombies may have been mentioned once or twice.) Then, the big blue house, completely lit with a driveway full of cars, appeared. I had already had a minor breakdown, afraid no one would like me, afraid that I was just going to be overwhelmed, that Liam was going to hurt someone, that Isla would spend the entire stay screaming. Walking in that door was...hard. It was! So many people around, so many conversations that you essentially interrupt, so many overtired, overstimulated kids (mine most definitely included). Carrying luggage over slippery paths carved into twenty inches of snow, trying to get settled, trying to eat something small, put away groceries, keep your children from stealing toys from everyone else's children...there was the thought that I had made a mistake by coming. It was fleeting and I chalked it up to being tired and uncomfortable intruding so late. I went to bed with the hope that the next morning would be better (and redemptionsongs was so welcoming and gracious by taking us over to Gran's house and showing us our room that I was definitely feeling good about getting to know everyone else like I had been looking forward to for months.)

The next morning was better, and the next and the next...I was so blissfully comfortable when we had to leave, although I will admit a tiny bit of homesickness and a definite desire to end my responsibilities for bedtime (which Ryan handles exclusively, thank goodness. I know I couldn't do it all of the time myself like that.) I watched Liam handle himself pretty well, considering the overstimulation. I consider it a success that he mostly managed to keep from hurting himself and other kids without being helicopter-parented, which is absolutely required most of the time. I really enjoyed watching Isla make a friend for the first time in Eloise, dolcedaze's daughter. Friday morning, as Eloise entered the play room, dressed perfectly (as usual), Isla turned to me and said "Mama, she's beyoootiful." And she is! My sister had a wonderful time and only had nice things to say about everyone (which, despite her somewhat tough exterior, Britt is kind of a softie but shhh, don't tell her that.) I had a wonderful time and only have nice things to think and say about everyone! That is exactly how a vacation should end, right?

I can't thank Diana and her family enough for the hospitality shown to us. I swear, she must be superhuman! Granny and Joel also deserve mad props, at the very least. I feel like I've said wonderful way too much, but I can't help but wish that Granny was my grandma. Oh, yes.

Things I've learned:

Traveling pirate girl friends are awesome.
Green popcorn balls are strangely delicious.
Diana owns everything I've ever wanted to own and more.
Urban Outfitter couches are surprisingly comfortable (given I've heard that they are not, I'm now sold.)
Almost any child will eat a cheese quesadilla.
There are places in the Northeast that you have to drive for miles to even get cell service! I don't know why I thought New England was just one big suburban landscape, but I did.
Grandmas can be simultaneously sweet and nice and cool.
Battlestar Galactica love can extend across an ocean or two.
The prospect of hot, teenage werewolves is enough to drive away even the bravest of partners.

<3 <3 <3

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Comments {6}

building love in the finishing

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from: medland
date: Mar. 13th, 2010 04:59 pm (UTC)

It was so amazing to meet you and Aunty Bit Bit. :)

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